The day has been okay...

Today, I survived. I guess Karma, seeing that I had written about her yesterday decided to give me a couple of good thumps. The title of the post comes from Emiliana Torrini's song, something about it captures today for me.

The day started off well enough. Slept in - seems to be a trend of late - went to work and there was a certain film of unease over the office. I told Chrome Diva, my boss - she has a motorcycle and is awesome- about last night and the mishaps. She was cool with it, I also came clean to the prof about not taping the concert last night because I overslept. Needless to say, she wasn't thrilled about it. Which no has brought me to the thought that my day was like some sort of horror filled stale cookie. The beginning and the end were mediocre but more than bearable and the middle... wretched.

So, on to the foul bits. I had to do some scurrying today to be in all the necessary places at one time. Firstly, my French teacher for both of the two oral interviews for our class has scheduled mine well outside the bounds of class time. Today, the second of the two was no different, only this time it fell in the midst of my voice studio class. No big deal, I emailed my Prof and he was cool about it - I knew it would be easier to talk to him than my French prof., but anyway... so he said it was cool if I ducked out and came back. Went to the interview early and did very well, she even remarked that it was obvious I could talk about the material easily. Then, bombshell, and I quote "So, I can't seem to find your grammar portion of the last test, and since I am sure you think you turned it in and I have never lost a paper in all of my career, you will just retake it right now." I am sure my face turned white. That test was HARD. I couldn't make words to say that I had a class I was missing, that I had a rehearsal I had to go to, or that I hadn't studied the material in weeks. She took me to a conference room, sat me down and said - good luck. I went through it as fast as I could, because I had to go back to class and I didn't have time to think too far into depth. Suffice it to say, it didn't go well.

I returned to studio class in enough time to fill out the course evaluation for my Prof, who is amazing, and then run off to what honestly was one of the most annoying rehearsals of my life. Maybe it was because I was on edge, or that the people talked too much, but I had enough venom in me to kill a man. Our director, same one responsible for the tire tracks on my back, is directing this scene too.... she changed some things and added junk - mind you our performance is Sunday and none of us has time to devote to running choreography we don't really know... - by the end of the rehearsal I was boiling. I left as fast as I could to my office, and took very many deep breaths until I finally just vented aloud to my boss and co-worker/ex-boyfriend (he also sports the resident asshole hat on weekends).

After work I called to talk to my mom to hopefully get some sort of feel good warm fuzzies from her, only to find out that she might have cancer..... she's going in for a test tomorrow to check and see what exactly this fuzzy area on her mammogram is. I almost burst into tears then. Mom says that she thinks it will be fine and she will call as soon as she knows the results. Please send prayers and good energy to my mom, I don't have any idea what I would do without her. - - The thing is that I am really worried, I don't want to write it out in words why I am worried, I feel like that gives it even more power and makes it a more real possibility... but I am worried. I need my mom, I don't know what my family would do if she got sick or worse.

After that conversation I took a nap, I couldn't be in the conscious world anymore. Went to work post nap and then was rescued by Eesh when I was walking home. We watched tv, had some beer and pizza and it really made most of the day disappear and seem more bearable.

The day ended relatively well despite Karma or Fate or... whatever's best attempt at balling me up into a non-functional mess. I hope that I can handle future days like this with more grace, poise and composure - and more than that I hope that God provides me the strength to be there for my mom regardless of whether this turns into something serious or not. For some reason, I have always imagined that my parents and Grandmothers are immortal, or at least wouldn't leave me here to live without them. The reality grows ever more clear that my family and I are fragile humans and our time is limited - the time has come to seize every moment and regret nothing.

Love to you all,
AA