I feel...

With my brain in a thousand places, lately the best way to describe how, or better what, I feel is 'a lot'. Nothing is more upsetting than feeling everything at once - I cannot construct any sort of simple sentence to say how it is that I feel.

I feel....
well, chaotic, indecisive,underpaid, out of balance, blessed, irrelevant, unsure, feeble, lazy, lucky, martyred, controlled, predictable, dependent, lonely, honest, desperate, indifferent, sold-out, sly, tired, gossipy, taxed...

The chaotic state of my life is really taking a bit of a toll on me. I'm trying to breathe it out, but it isn't working - I know that my situation isn't a bad one to be in, but this is my blog, my little inch of me space where I can feel an ounce of entitlement - so, if what I say bothers you - stop reading, I'm not asking for sympathy just understanding and advice.

I think the thing that I feel the most is loneliness, I don't want for friends. In fact I have some of the best people in the world in my corner, but I want to be able to touch someone when I roll over at night. I want someone to hold my hand when we walk down the street, someone to share desert with, to cook for, to love. I am ready to build a nest and settle into it with some other bird that I can call mine. I don't know what it is, maybe I too am equipped with a biological clock that is ticking away somewhere in my subconscious. - - - I want someone to share my life with, but I don't want some body, I want somebody....

Gah, don't get sucked into your own crazy.

Love to you all,
AA