Traveling an Old Road with New Eyes

I'm a twenty-something year old guy who is wrestling with his sexuality, is out to his mom not to the rest of the family and has lived the past three years as an "out" gay man. Unfortunately, I no longer am entirely sure that I am supposed to be where I am and doing what I'm doing....

When you are my age you are supposed to want to have sex, drink, experiment and have a remarkable disdain for marriage. I've always been a paradox of things, and more recently I've noticed my conflicting nature more than ever. I feel like i've been thirty for the past 15 years or so, always a step ahead of my peers never able to be a child because I think too sensibly and yet not being able to break forth into adulthood because of my age and my incalculable naivety. I'm starting this blog as a means to chronicle my anonymous story, tell someone or multiple people, should anyone ever venture to read this, about my life no holds barred, 'We Bare All' style. I have this vehement desire to just smear my life somewhere with honesty and candor with no reason to sugarcoat anything, no need to be afraid that anything will cause repercussions. I want a diary of sorts, with humor and brevity. I miss just spilling my guts, seems like you can't do anything anymore without paying some assinine price for it. All the people around me couldn't hope to understand me, much less, really have the ability to... I'm made of too many pieces that pull in different directions and really would much rather emancipate themselves from the others, but unfortunately this cannot be accomplished because I am a man, almost twenty-two years old, life screaming in my ears while I lay lame on my sofa unable to find the motivation to move anywhere beyond the confines of my current percieved utopia. I have come down this road before, this road of imbalance and pressure and reshaping but this time, I feel like I have a different set of eyes, or maybe better glasses? and now, you are along for the ride, hopefully you'll enjoy it all with me, or shake your head and laugh because I am foolish, hope it's a good read....