Blogging before bed.

I think that I will try to blog before bed each night... which may not last too long, because I have a feeling it might end up with me not making too much sense or falling asleep at the keyboard - but I enjoy putting things out there, clearing out the mental space.

Today, Momma and I had lunch and I asked a question that led to a conversation that was revealing for the both of us. I asked her about her dad, she's never really told me all that much about her family - but I felt bad that I know her so well and don't know anything about her father. The conversation drifted toward family and she mentioned her mom and I inquired about her dad. The conversation meandered along to through different things - my distance from my parents, feeling like friends could be better, lack of communication in American homes and Relationships in and outside the family, feeling like our parents don't really know us - mostly mine don't know me....

The crux of all of it really came to what I feel is the breakdown of communication between the people of America and something close to an indifference for others. I wonder if this thing that I am idealizing has ever even existed... Children have always been somewhat afraid to tell their parents the whole truth (unless you have the awesome luck to have "Those" parents you can tell anything and they just help you get through all the mess....) Regardless of its existence or lack there of, this trend has trickled on down to us. Our parents and grandparents and their inability to show their feelings and communicate them somehow lead to my family and others... granted, everyone isn't as hands off as my father, but I feel like men were encouraged to suppress their feelings - conform to the masculine social norm... I just wonder where this road will end.


(Tangent: )
Who the hell knows what it actually looks like to be a man, anyway? Society, for the most part, gets everything wrong - there is no behavioral prescription for Men or Women, there may be tendencies that are encouraged... (I sound like a tree-huggin, granola eatin' hippy... so what) There is more to life than putting people in a box to make yourself more comfortable. - - - I will never forget this group of bitter 35+ year old women sitting behind me at a restaurant having this conversation about this man that one of them was "interested in" - - she was tearing him apart in front of her friends saying that because he liked to bake he must be gay. I wanted to say "No ma'am, but what he will be doing is making some other woman happy for the rest of her life instead of someone as small minded and unappreciative of a good man as you." Ladies, let's be real here, it's it's the 21st century and categorizing people by the things they enjoy doing is a little bit closed minded - - If he was a cross-dresser, even then the gay issue might not be so clear please note Maryln Manson. (Not that I'd take him home to my mother... ) Everyone has things they like to do, and if it doesn't hurt you, them or anyone else in the process have a cultured enough prospective to give it a chance before you tear them down and perpetuate this box of acceptable activities for one sex or the other. Did she feel threatened or something? Didn't want to give up the apron and dish washing gloves? Whatever - - - All that being said, I think that men, just as much as women, have the freedom to explore any previously gender specific activity they want to and they shouldn't be judged for it. Additionally, I encourage you to communicate the best that you can with everyone you come across - even if it require iteration after iteration. Get your point across.

That being said - - Also see that everything that you do touches someone else. For better or for worse, how you live your life directly or indirectly effects thousands of people. Live like they matter...


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That all came out not quite like I had thought it might, which seems to be a problem for me lately. My ideas seem to intermingle and somehow run over each other in a stampede to get out of my fingers, which says to me I should write more so this doesn't happen so much - - and maybe I shouldn't be on a networking site whilst attempting to say anything of true depth. At any rate, I love each one of you, so very VERY much. I started rehearsals for a show... it should go up in May, I'll keep you posted on the details - - if this first rehearsal is any indication of what may come, there WILL be stories to tell. I already have one that I can't wait for you to read.

Love to you all,
AA